How to eat giraffe in seven simple steps. My name is Fabian, behind the camera is Adam. Given all the great benefits of giraffes, it's not surprising that they have scored millions of views on YouTube, which of course raises the question why should we now be eating a giraffe? Well, you'll be surprised to hear there are actually a lot of good reasons for eating giraffes. A giraffe is part of what is now commonly called charismatic megafauna. In the digital age, giraffes are of course one of the most popular animals of all. This is because they have similar browsing habits to us humans. They're always like up there in the trees munching away those little leaves. Because giraffes feed uniquely on natural growing tree leaves, their meat is much much richer in minerals and proteins and precious salts than your average farm-raised, soya grain-fed meat. They are super well networked, like giraffes always know where the other giraffes are. They also have these really long necks, which allow them to always have a perfect overview over the African savannah. But they kind of are not so into fixed relationships. They're kind of these, just, yeah, they run around and kind of don't really want to commit. They also don't sleep a lot. Your average giraffe sleeps about two hours per day. You have probably never had an animal as happy on your plate as the one which is in this box. We have obtained this giraffe from a generous friend who works at the Vienna airport. And he's in charge of processing all this confiscated meat, which comes in in vacuum packages from all over Africa. I don't want to make a judgment here, but that's for you, my friend, on YouTube to tell me. Would you rather see that waste going into an incinerator, or would you have us, rather have us here eat it and transform it into a valuable educational experience? Giraffe meat is a great climate saver. For every giraffe which is roaming around there and part of the global giraffe value chain there is one cow less for which rainforests are being cut down. Tip number one when you're eating a giraffe, be confident. Face the camera, face the eye of the beast. A giraffe, as I'm sure you've seen millions of times on YouTube, can dispatch a lion in a single kick. The giraffe is a serious motherfucker. The giraffe is a serious motherfucker. Look at it this way. A cow plus a car equals a giraffe this is not comfort food this is not your average industrial processed meat which you just pick up at mcdonald's or in the villa around the corner and then you eat it in your office and when you start degenerating just eating that that unethical unhealthy meat giraffe meat is not comfort food. You are eating bush meat. Engage with it. Number two, show your respect for the animal by dressing appropriately. We honor the historical moment with this shirt, which I have bought two years ago in Kiev. It's from the Ethnodym brand, which is a brand of young Kyivians who I've had the honor of meeting personally in the Podil district. They take traditional or imagined, maybe a bit ironic, Ukrainian folklore motifs and update them for the 21st century. Maybe it's naive to be here in Vienna and think we can solve the world's problems by eating giraffe. But I would like to uphold that it's better eating the giraffe in this moment than not eating it. Tip number three. Now this might sound obvious to you, but so many people forget to open the wine. You want to open red wine? In Austria, we always have red wine with our giraffe. This is a cuvee, a red cuvee from Klosterneuburg. And you want to open it a bit before you actually serve the giraffe to your guests so that it aerates and oxygenates and that this sort of first breath of alcohol can evaporate off. Very much the same which happens to the giraffe meat actually. Oxygenation. By the way, a little health tip for all of you health conscious youtubers out there. You should not be drinking any water during your giraffe meal. It's great to drink a lot of water in the morning, in the office and in the afternoon. But if you drink too much water during your meal, you dilute the enzymes in your stomach and you'll need those enzymes to really bite themselves into that giraffe meat. Number four. Oh my God, this is so... Before you cut your giraffe, make sure you have a sharp knife. This is one of the best knives in the mid-range price section. It's from Germany, has a long tradition in producing armaments, steel of all kinds. They might be getting back into that industry very soon. And this is a stone I collected from the beach in Italy. I like to call it a smart stone because it has these graphite deposits on it. I don't know if you can see it. Many people think sharpening a knife is such a fancy thing. No one can do it. Only Russians can do it. or you need to buy a special knife sharpener but hey you just need a stone from the beach and a really good knife other side Number five, numero cinco, cut the giraffe. So let's take a look at what we have here, our Vapiano box. Yeah, there's a lot of smell coming out there, but that's like with the wine that evaporates quite quickly, this first noxious cloud of giraffe-ness, giraffe musk. So here it is. It almost looks like you could sharpen the knife on this. This is a cut from the front leg, front left leg, from a five-year-old animal. On that note, Let's get cutting. I'll do some cuts now and Adam can cut the rest and Put your weight into the cut Number six While your giraffe cuts are airing You want to prepare the paleo? Supplements for example roots This is a horseradish root. This is totally prepare the paleo supplements. For example, roots. This is a horseradish root. This is totally 100% paleo. And we also have today, big shout out to Smart Bread, paleo bread, a new paleo bread from Austria. 390 grams going for eight euros. And this has zero flour in it. This is a zero flour bread made out of all the kind of stuff you would still find in prehistoric times. So carrots, buckwheat, sunflower seeds, honey, salt, vinegar. I think paleo is also going to have a great geostrategic future because there are still 5 million tons of wheat in Ukraine at this very moment, which are unlikely to get shipped out. In all countries of the Western world, we are going to have to contemplate increasingly self-sufficiency, food autonomy, and that will probably mean eating a lot less processed food, a lot less flour so get used to eating those roots horseradish and sometimes it's you know it's a hard life being a youtuber shooting all day so i like to throw out some to the birds to the ducks to the audience and you just grate. It's great. Number seven. Be sure to smell your giraffe before eating it. I smell pepper. I smell fruity notes. I smell porky a bit, beef. There are some notes of zebra actually also in here. Now this might be a thing of course. often giraffe and zebra do get mixed up, it does happen. Like that's the thing with bush meat, it just comes from the bush and goes straight into the vacuum processing. They don't always label it and then you know it's confiscated or the animal rights organizations are kind of smuggling it in their suitcases. So, yeah, you have to decide whether this is zebra or giraffe. I can give you a great tip. Zebra sticks to the teeth a bit more. So it's like this, you kind of have this feeling in your mouth like you need an electric toothbrush. And talking of electric toothbrushes, I really recommend the Hypersonic 2000 from Oral-B. Big shout out to Oral-B. And if you get any value out of this video, please be sure to subscribe. And we also look forward to hearing your comments down below. So, you are now ready to eat giraffe. Enjoy! And cut. Enjoy! And cut. Enjoy! And cut!